found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
