Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
