I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
