So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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