Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My feet surprised me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
