I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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