obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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