you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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