What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
