hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
