If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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