oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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