I skipped work to stalk him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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