just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
