if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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