I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
