it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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