I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They took my balls.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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