Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
