so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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