Farmville is her only friend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
