i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
