i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
