is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
