Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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