so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
