Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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