Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
