lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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