VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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