Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
