Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
