we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
