Girls should come with a carfax report
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
