so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
