i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
