Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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