He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
