Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
