Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
