True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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