I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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