She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
