I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
