she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
