Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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