I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
