i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
