You work out of a Hotel?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
