He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
