sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
