His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
