Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
