You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
