What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
