quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
