Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
